The message God was trying to really tell me at church last night was very, very clear… at least to me it was.
My faith has been lacking. I find myself asking, “Is God really there; does He hear my cries?” I have been in a place of such bad depression and worsening anxiety. I have been in an awful place. Daily. I haven’t shared with many but I am also seeking treatment for my eating disorder. Everything just keeps building up. With that being said, I didn’t/don’t feel God’s presence, not very often at least…
So, what did God tell me? He said,”desire me, seek me, love me.”
Many of you probably just got the ‘desperate-partner message’. And I get that, I got that message too… BUT the truth is, that is the message and heart of the ALL POWERFUL, LOVING, CARING God.
God was yelling (in the most gentle way possible) to come to Him. He said, “Stop your human ways. Come to me and experience ultimate peace, joy, contentment, and relief.”
He was saying over and over, “Claire, come to me! I️ can give you what you really want. No, it’s not a ‘perfect body’ or a certain weight, but it is something so much greater, so much more valuable. I️ know you want it, I️ know you really do. However, that eating disorder, it has a strong grip on you. That’s the enemy. It really is. I️ understand you constantly have the enemy whispering lie after lie in your ear, telling you, “you’re not enough, you’re fat, you need to lose weight, don’t eat that, you’re so worthless, etc etc!” I️ know your pain. You may not believe that but I️ know. And I️ gave my life for that pain. I️ died for you. You. Yes, you. I️ understand the depression you feel. It feels like the weight of the world is on your chest, but I’ve got it. I️ will and I️ am carrying that weight for you.”
“Desire the happiness I️ can and am offering you. Not an ‘ideal body/weight’, not to be liked by everyone, not perfection, not death. But desire me. Me, meaning life lived to its fullest. An overflowing joy. An unstoppable hope. A never-ending peace. Desire that.Desire me.
Call out to me in your darkest nights. Praise me on your highest mountains. Just seek me. Seek what I️ desire for you. Look for ways to desire what I️ desire. Not things of this world, temporary things, but things of My Kingdom. Seek me. Call out even when you don’t feel heard, remember, I️ always listen. Look for me in the sunsets. Find me in the ocean waves. Feel me in the way you experience the pure, contagious joy of Riley.