Worthy. Kind. Joyful. Ability to put a smile on. Hopeful. Leadership. Maturity.
All of these things are things my fellow recovery warriors and treatment team told me on my last day of day treatment. (Thank You by the way). So, I would like to take this time to pour truth into myself, and hopefully a few others.
To the happy, perfectly imperfect girl in that picture, you all of these things and more!
I have to believe I am worthy. I have to believe I am worthy so that I can place things King’s labels on me. So that I can believe in my true potential.
I strive to be kind everyday to everyone. And I find that to be one of my strengths. I hope that others see the kindness in my heart and that they see a representation of the King.
I struggle with this one more than the others. I often times am feeling down, since I struggle with major depressive disorder, yet I find that when I am joyful, I feel extreme pressure to remain that way forever. Do I put this pressure on myself? Do other people put this pressure on me? Is there really any pressure? However, recently, I have been able to let go of the pressure. I have been able to allow myself to be happy. And there is freedom in that. I am able to have more good days, or even good moments, and that’s all i can ask of myself.
ABLE TO PUT A SMILE ON.
I am capable of a smile. I can laugh in the hard times. I can choose to notice and do little things that make me happy. I have the ability to put a smile on in the bad times, and in the good times. I can.
This word is one I also struggle with. Hope. What is hope? Why do we have it? What’s the purpose of it? Hope is a God given gift. It’s purpose is to help people like me see the light at the end of the tunnel. We have it so we have something to hold onto, something to live for. I have been trying to practice letting myself be hopeful, similar to how I’ve been allowing myself to feel happy. I get scared that the hope will go away. However, I have to remember that hope in my Lord, Jesus, is constant and never ending. It always has and always will be there for me and for you.
I strive to be a leader. I strive to live like Christ. I strive to look like love. Yes, some days I don’t do the best, but I do get to see a glimpse of when it pays off. When people say, “Oh, you’re Christian right?” or they don’t cuss around me because they know that people who live like Jesus don’t do that. That’s how I know it’s worth it: that’s how I know I’ve made an impact.
In the same way I strive to be a leader, I also strive to be mature. I do my best to respect adults, and my peers too. I do my best to be responsible. I do my best to be kind. Do I mess up sometimes, yes. But that’s okay, because I still try my best.
Now, you may be wondering what my purpose in writing all of that was. So, I’ll be honest, I needed to be reminded of these truths about myself. I needed to think about these truths more than the lies, and I often times use my blog as a ” note to self”, a gentle reminder, and a way to lift my mind out of the muck it is often in. I also write in hopes that someone else can see these things in themselves and that their soul would be lifted even the tiniest bit. With much love and appreciation, thank you for reading.