So, on Valentine’s Day, in my expressive arts therapy group we wrote love letters to ourselves. We thought of one of the happiest (and earliest) memories we could think of, and we wrote a love letter, a letter of all the things we want to tell that little girl.
*I added some stuff since I thought of more to say since then because I’ve been thinking about it a lot*
To my 8 year old self,
I love you. I love the joy you have, as well as the joy you give. I love how your big blue eyes peer at the sky and they sparkle. I love how resilient you are. I love how you love you daddy more than most things and would run up to him each and every day when he got home from work and give him a great big “bear-hug”. I love how you love animals, although I’m sure our dog and cat do not. I love how you loved the lake!
I love your smile as you helped mom bake all those times. And I love how you would do anything for a good bubble bath. I love how you ate whatever you wanted, and savored it like it was your last bite. I love your cute little Halloween costumes.
I love how you always love the feeling of swinging so high and flying off. I love how you lived with pure hope. I love your creativity and imagination. I love who you will become even though she messes up. I love how you embrace the imperfection. I love how you forgive yourself.
I admire your joy. I admire your love. I admire you!
Now 8 year old self, I can’t say this enough… I am so, so sorry.
I am sorry you will hurt. So much. I am sorry you will enter a path of self destruction. I am sorry you will grow to hate your beautiful, and imperfect body. I’m sorry you will never give to yourself, yet always to others. I’m so very sorry you will get to a place where it doesn’t seem worth it, when in reality it is so worth it! I’m so so sorry.
8 year old Claire… please don’t lose that sparkle yet. Please hold on for dear life, because you will soon go on the craziest rollercoaster you’ve ever experienced. Always be the little ‘Claire Bear’ that’s deep down under all the hurt that will get laid on top of you.
And please, please, seek the Lord in all moments; go to Him and don’t lose faith and hope. He is still there when all you will feel is hurt and pain. Remember, you don’t have to “feel Him” to pray about something. And you can take that leap of faith, that step towards full trust. You can get to a stable place. You can handle your emotions in healthy ways. You can surrender it all at the foot of the cross.
I believe in you, lil Claire!
With all my love, joy, patience, forgiveness, and kindness,