Outcry 2018: Jesus’s Presence, Hannah, and Worship

Last Thursday- April 26, 2018, I went to the Outcry Concert. Elevation Worship, Vertical Worship, Mosaic MSC, and Bethel Music (my favorite) were all there.

And I will say this till I can’t say it anymore: there is nothing like being in a room full of  broken, yet Jesus-loving people who all come together despite our differences and praise, giving our everything, to The One who gave His everything for us.

I haven’t been the best lately (with my mental health, my faith, etc…) and I felt Jesus moving SO MUCH in that room, and in me. 

The JOY, HOPE, HEALING, PRAISE, FREEDOM, & REVELATION that was present in that room was indescribable.

I felt hope.

I felt freedom to worship how God calls me to worship.

I felt joy abounding in my heart.

I felt the healing of my broken pieces.

This girl, Hannah was her name, invited me to sit next to her in probably one of the few open seats in the whole room. I obviously took the seat after I had been looking for one for 45+ minutes. I was and still am in awe of how she worshipped Jesus with every bone in her body.

The same thought kept crossing my mind, that in a room full of people who worship like there is nothing else to do, there must be a whole lot of brokeness and a whole lot burden-carrying. And, in that same room there must also be a whole lot more of mending and burden-lifting for praising like this to take place.

So, I believe the song Pieces by Steffany Gretzinger had just begun. And Hannah just reached over to me and asked if i minded if she prayed over me. In that moment, I took a step back, surrendering my pride and doubt that has been keeping me from praying for so, so long, and I said, “no, I don’t mind”. I still have no idea exactly what called her to ask this, but I believe it’s only fair to assume it was God stirring in her heart. So after I said that I didn’t mind, I bowed my head silently saying to Jesus, “I’m done putting up walls right now. I’m done trying to bear the weight of my burdens by myself. I surrender my pride, doubt, and control right now.”

She prayed over me. She asked God to reveal Himself in what I’ve gone through, as well as what I will go through in the future. That’s what I remember most. As soon as she was done praying I looked at her and asked to give her a hug. We hugged, then we continued to praise Jesus like nobody was watching. I started crying as Pieces went on. I was singing at the top of my lungs, jumping up and down, hands lifted as high as they  could go:

You don’t give Your heart in pieces
And You don’t hide Your self to tease us
You don’t give Your heart in pieces (no)
And You don’t hide Your self to tease us (no)

It’s not a troubled mind
It isn’t anxious
It’s not the restless kind
Your love’s not passive
It’s never disengaged
It’s always present
It hangs on every word You say
Love keeps it’s promises
It keeps it’s word
It honors what’s sacred
Yes, it’s vows are good
And Your love’s not broken
It’s not insecure
Your love’s not selfish
Your love is pure

You don’t give Your heart in pieces
(oh no no)
And You don’t hide Your self to tease us
(no no)
You don’t give Your heart in pieces (no)
And You don’t hide Your self to tease us (no)

You don’t give Your heart in pieces
And You don’t hide Your self to tease us

I am beyond thankful for what God did last Thursday. I am beyond thankful for God placing me and Hannah in the same place at the same time. I am beyond thankful for God giving Hannah a heart of worship and showing me what it’s like to praise Jesus with every single bone in your body. I am beyond thankful for God stirring in Hannah and asking her to pray over me. I am beyond thankful for God stirring in me, showing me yet again that I do feel Him, and that he doesn’t ever forsake me!

Another one of my absolute favorite moments was when Melissa Helser came up to share her testimony of Catch The Wind followed by her singing the song.

This song has been  with me through a lot. I go through periods where I listen to it on repeat for hours. I have done many calligraphy pictures of the lyrics.

I cried, bawled actually, the first time I saw the testimony video on Youtube. I tear up or cry most times I hear it still (and it has been a long time since I first heard it).

Here is the video I first saw:


Here is the Live Testimony from Outcry 2018:

This song spoke to me as I layed in my bed that one day, probably a Saturday. The lyrics say this:

I am strong and full of life
I am steadfast, no compromise
I lift my sails, to the sky
I’m gonna catch the wind
I’m gonna catch the wind

I am bold, no fear inside
Spread my wings, open my life
Like an eagle, whose home is the sky
I’m gonna catch the wind
I’m gonna catch the wind

Your faithfulness will never let me down
I’m confident I’ll see Your goodness now
I know You hear my heart, I’m singing out
There’s nothing that can stop Your goodness now

The first lyric says, as shown above, says “I am strong and full of life…”

“Full of life”

The phrase hits me deep inside every time I hear it, & not only in this song.

What does it mean?

Why did God plan for me to see this video and hear these exact words?

Why would I have sat and watched a whole 21 minute video if God weren’t speaking to me?

Just Why?

I can somewhat answer this today, at least more than I could in the moments when I was in my bed crying while listening to it.

God was telling me that I am full of life.

Many of you know this, but I have struggled with major depression for several years now. I have gone through suicide attempts and self harm. I have gone through OCD most of my life. And more recently, I have been going through an eating disorder.

But this depression, this hopelessness that has seemed to have nestled itself deep inside of me, it has told me I am nothing. That I never will be anything. That I am worthless, and even more so that my life and life in general is worthless.

In moments when I  feel so strongly that I have nothing left inside of me, when I feel a strong longing for there actually to be no life inside of me, I have to remember that I am FULL OF LIFE! I am full of Jesus. His blood runs through my veins; it always has and it always will.

^just a little note-to-self…

In conclusion, Outcry 2018 was amazing!

I am so so thankful for Hannah and her prayers. And I am even more so thankful for Jesus telling me exactly what I needed to hear that night.

Thank you so much if you have read this far.I will most likely be putting up at least one other blog post about what I experienced there.

I am beyond thankful for those of you who support my blog! Please email/message me and prayer request you may have!

-with love, Claire

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