Before I was even born, I had an identity in Chirst. I was known. I was “fearfully and wonderfully made.” He knit me together in my mother’s womb. Before I was even born God knew me, and He loved every single atom that made me. He still does to this very moment; He has every moment in betweeen. Everything that has happened from birth to present day has shaped me into who I am in Christ- fearfully and wonderfully made, loved, a daughter, and so much more! My story summed up in a four words is-birth, trial, forgivness, and then rebirth. Keep reading to figure out what each other those means.
On August 7, 2003, I came into this world, probably screaming. I had a loving mother, father, and three older brothers and three minutes later my twin sister was born. I was the typical baby girl, besides the fact that there appeared to be two of me. I grew up in a home that loved the Lord and that has impacted me so much. In the next few years I have my childhood milestones- first words, first steps, first bike ride, etc etc…
I have so many happy childhood memories, don’t get me wrong, but it sure wasn’t perfect! There was just a lot of stuff that an 4-10 year old should not have to go through. Depite the family trials I had, I remained overall joyful.
A quick fact I thought was necessary to add is on October 10, 2010, I was baptized. This was my first real encounter with the Holy Spirit (besides when I gave my life to Him prior to baptism).
Besides family issues in my earlier childhood, it was all rainbows and lolipops… until around the beginning of 6th grade. I was diagnosed with OCD. OCD, for those who don’t know, is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Prior to that year my anxiety never seemed significant; the ritauls those with OCD experience were not visable to others, and if they were, no one noticed them. It soon took over much of my life. I was so scared to go to school that I would cry every morning. I was afraid something bad one happen to my mom. This is when my current therapist reccomended an Intensive Out Patient therapy program called Rogers. We called and got admitted. The day after my first appointment I had therpy every day from 3-6. For three hours every day I stayed in this office and I faced my fears one after another. This was absolutley terrifying and there were many days I would sit in my little sqaure office room and cry, but every time I had a speacialist sit by me and walk me through it until I could get back up and try again. Even more so, I had God with me every step of the way. After 12 weeks of the IOP program I was able to manage my OCD by myself and no longer needed daily assitance. This was a major victroy over the enemy. A few months go by smoothly and then my slowly developing depression grows to it’s biggest size yet. I was hopeless and I felt alone and abandonded (all of which were lies) and I attepmted to take my life. I was admitted to the ER and waited about three days to be admitted the psych unit of the hospital. I stay there for about seven days. As soon as i got out i was admitted into Rogers again into their FOCUS program which targeted anxiety AND depression. There I was officially diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. To this day I still struggle with OCD and MDD but every moment of every day I get to choose whether I let Satan win over my thoughts or if I face my challenge and find victory through Christ. I pray I choose victory.
This is where I tell you how God has walked through the trial and my darkest valleys with me. He has never left me; He has never let me down. I believe He never will leave me or let me down. He is HOPE. He is JOY. He is LOVE. Without God I would not be alive today. He has graciously forgiven me. He has redeemed me. He is always pursueing me; He continually runs towards me, even when I turn my back or run in the oppsoite direction. My story is a story where God took my broken and made it beautiful. He made a stunning stain-glass window out of the broken glass shards I offered Him.
Every day is a process where I have to surrender my everything to Christ. Day after day I am reborn through the Holy Spirit. I am finding my identity again. I am reborn. I am made-new. I am cleansed. I hope every day I show at least one person what it’s like to live life changed by God.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.